How standards of presence made me a better person

To be a coach is to be a powerful listener. Standards of presence are golden rules to be fully present when you are in a conversation with others. 

The coach provides a safe, non judgemental, exploratory space. 

Coach is a person who holds a soundboard for the client.

Coach acts like a dancing partner – moving along with the client – neither leading nor following.

These are the standards of presence that I learnt from Coach for Life, which has changed my life for the better. This lets you have more meaningful conversions and deeper connections with people around you.

Go on.. Read and let me know which one you could relate to the most:

  1. Confidentiality 
  • When someone confides in you, it is important to maintain their trust.
  • So this standard of presence gives a strong sense of responsibility towards maintaining confidentiality. 
  1. Adopt a stand for innocence
  • After learning deeply about this, I realised I walked into many conversations thinking I already know what the other party is going to say. 
  • Approaching each conversation with a beginner’s mind empowers you to learn a lot more about the situation. 
  1. Positive focus
  • Looking at things from a positive focus lets you operate from a state of resourcefulness.
  • Generally for most people, 90% of things are working fine.
  • Imagine the rest non-working 10% in a loop between your finger and thumb. 
  • When we look through this hole ( non working 10%), we get a feeling that life is falling apart. 
  • Focus on 90% (or more) that is working. What you focus on, expands.
  1. Connect at a heart level
  • Human connection is a deep bond that is formed when people feel heard and seen.
  1. When I am sharing
  • Focus in things which are magnificent
  • I share only things which I have experienced myself, claiming it to be mine. It is important to be authentic
  • Speak in ‘I’ statements  – avoiding telling others what ‘you should do’
  1. When I am listening to another share
  • Listening with 100% positive attention
  • Refrain from side talk or interrupting – I have realised I am so eager to share my opinions and experience that I used to often cut off the other person at half to add my opinions
  • Look for gifts being shared – their wonder, vulnerability, brilliance, insights etc
  1. When giving acknowledge ro positive support
  • Be authentic and say it from heart
  • Maintain positive focus
  1. When receiving acknowledge or positive support
  • As one of my fellow batchmates beautifully put it – “To gracefully accept is to honour the giver”
  • I used to get very uncomfortable when someone complimented me. 
  • I used to almost brush off the compliment, making them feel uncomfortable.
  • After this training, I learnt that giving and receiving are like ends of a tube – it has to be balanced. To not receive gracefully also stifles your capacity to give.
  • So gracefully accept and receive with gratitude whatever comes your way – money, compliments, services!
  1. Take responsibility for myself and allow others to do the same
  • Many people shy away from thinking as it is a hard job. 
  • In turn they don’t feel empowered to make their own decisions.
  • Coaching believes that the client is resourceful, has all the strengths, talents required to solve his challenges.
  • The crux of coaching is to empower others to take care of themselves.
  • Imagine what a great place earth will be if everyone starts to think for themselves and take their own decisions
  • When I hear my inner voice releasing a judgement, I can say “Thank you for sharing” , put it behind my back (literally)  and choose a new thought.
  • SImilarly, when I hear unsolicited advice or remarks, initially I used to lose my sleep over it. But now, I have learnt to say “thank you” to them and put the thought(through physical action) behind my back.
  1. Maintain agreements 
  • This helps to build trust. 


Attribution : The Standards of Presence © 1996-2022 Coach For Life Institute – Permission to use from Peter J Reding, Co-creator & Co-author of the Inspired Learning Model™ Handbook –


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